Dying Duck in a Thunderstorm

Hey America. You drive me crazy.

I have to admit. I miss India incredibly. In five months, my life was turned upside down into something new, something simple, something princess-y, something good.

It is a bit strange being back. And I keep forgetting I am HERE and not THERE.

Things have been rough at Casa de Dovedy. Like thunder storms.

My granny’s mother, my great grandmother, was this funny Irish lady whom I never got to meet. Apparently she used to tell people, “You look like a dying duck in a thunderstorm.” And she meant it.

I’ve told my mom this three times today. She keeps rolling her eyes and then we laugh a lot. I mean, not only is the duck dying. But it is in the middle of a thunderstorm! How sad.

Mom is not doing so well.

So the spine fractures are because of Mom’s severe osteoporosis…Mom has been struggling with her health for a long long time, like on-and-off for thirty years of her life! An eating disorder messed with her mind and wreaked havoc on her body. Hence a super weak body with all systems doing all they can to barely function. Hence a skewed perception of body image. Hence an obsession with exercise and diet foods. Hence all the drama and difficulty. Ahh.

Now with her injured spine, she still wants to live like a rockstar. She doesn’t want to sit down and rest because she “feels fine”. She doesn’t want help taking out the trash because “she can do it, she always does it”. Mom doesn’t want to eat her food because she “feels full” or “doesn’t feel like”.  Yeesh.

If only she could be more like Luke. HE”S ALWAYS READY TO EAT 24/7.

It’s so incredibly frustrating to see her frail and weak and in so much fear again. Mostly because of my own expectations of what she was like before I left for India. Last year she miraculously turned over a new leaf and started to really get better. I miss that confident, glowing, energetic, spunky mama-best-friend that I finally had in my life.

A few things I’ve been thinking about and re-realizing through this whole thing…

The difference between WHAT IS GOOD and WHAT IS PLEASANT.

What is good for you isn’t always what feels pleasant and nice right? Most of the time, what is good is not pleasant at all, it’s hard work or just really un-fun. Like some yucky medicine that you have to take. Or studying for your test. Or pedaling through your first boring job. If we just go by our feelings of what feels pleasant, then where do we end up? Sitting on the couch our whole life playing Mario Cart?  (HEY I love Mario Cart).

BALANCE AND MODERATION.. So simple yet sometimes easy to forget. Especially when too much of a good thing is what is throwing you off balance.

Now I realize why I left New York – my last two months there, my life had tilted in imbalance, and I was rolling off the surface of my earth. BUT everything I was doing was a “good” thing! Good yoga, good teaching, good learning, good job, good green foods. Just in the wrong dosage. Everything FELT good and fine, but really my body was stressed inside. India and Iyengar and these yoga boys and my grandparents have totally rejuvenated me, helped me find balance. I’m a lucky girl.

Start taking care now. Remember the ant and the grasshopper tale? Well right now its important to be the ant collecting and storing all your food for the winter. Not the grasshopper, who is partying and doing dumb things to look cool. Once you get to a certain age, like let’s say 40, it is winter. The body stops building and you have to survive on what you collected. My mom tells me every other second to not do what she did, and take care now. Drink your milk. Get your sleep. Exercise well. Eat well. Smile a lot.

THINGS I AM LOVING now that I’m back.20130507-215719.jpg

  • Driving. Singing and dancing in the car like a crazy to all my favorite radio stations.
  • Peanut butter. Just with a spoon. Yum. I’m teaching Mom how to eat it like this.
  • Photoshoots with Luke. He always makes me look good.
  • Shorts. I love shorts. India doesn’t.
  • Baking. Hurray for real ovens and chocolate cake!
  • The beach and the weather. Simply the best.
  • Catching up with my friends. Talking and texting and Instagramming and this new cool Snapchat thing. So glad to have good friends in my life.

THINGS I AM SURPRISED about now that I am back.

  • The girl with the SKYY VODKA towel practicing next to me in the hot room. Is that what you call an oxymoron? (Jonathan?)
  • First world problems. Like hearing the tall guy next to me angrily complain to the flight attendant about not having enough leg room when we are sitting in the special exit row of the plane (the one with no seats in front of you). I wanted to smack him. He would die in India.
  • Bikram yoga. Love it. Love the hot room. Know it very very well. BUT, it seems like a bit of an ego trip – staring at your body make shapes in the mirror. It’s an amazing detox and a nice way to check on how your practice is evolving (as you do the same postures every time). BUT moderation. Moderation.

Today I taught a special Iyengar/Vinyasa/India yoga class to some Bikram certified teachers. It was SO NICE to teach to people who understood my accent. Such a refreshing feeling to see understanding bodies vs confused Indian faces. Would you believe that one of them had never ever ever done a downward facing dog before? Or a Suryanamaskar (sun salutation). Shocking. And they were in awe of Pranayama (breathing exercises) Hmm.

I’m having lots of thoughts about what I want to do here when I get back. And it’s all really exciting. So get excited. I will need your help!

About Mom. Don’t worry. Nothing to do, as she has to make this decision to change from within herself. Just send some good thoughts of strength and courage her way. Thanks, it’s already working :).

20130507-215750.jpgShe is the most beautiful, most spunky, most loving lady. Inside and out. I hope she realizes SOON that she has nothing to lose and nothing to be afraid of – the whole world is at her fingertips. As soon as she decides to make a change.

TIME TO THINK LESS. BE SIMPLE. LIVE FOR THE BEGINNING OF YOUR FUTURE.

 

Much love,

More later,

SONIA

 

 

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